Sometimes the right thing is the hard thing.

As a mother we regularly make decisions. What's for dinner, when is it time for new shoes, FHE or early bedtime? It's exhausting being the decision maker.

Sometimes the decisions are easy. But, other times, decisions are tough, even when you know they are the right ones.

This weekend I sent my baby boy off to Nana's house. She just happens to be a 3rd grade teacher back in Indiana. (Cherri if you're reading this don't tell dad! Colson wants to surprise him this weekend) Colson is my only boy, he's the oldest, and the only one to suffer through all of the long deployments. This one has been the toughest on the family, as so many of you have figured out by my craziness. However, when Josh presented me with the idea of Colson finishing the school year in Nana's class, I thought he had gone crazy, too.

With a lot of thought, and discussion, we left the decision up to Colson. He chose Nana. Although it was excruciating to let my son go, I know it really will be a great opportunity for all of us. He sure could use the extra attention, and especially a break from a mom that hasn't been herself.

So today is Colson's first day of school with Nana as his teacher. I can't stop thinking about him!

Colson hope it goes well! We love you and miss you, (even Hallie, who's moping around everywhere, but won't admit it's because her brubba isn't home).

Remember, the frogs you catch out in the yard do NOT go in the teacher's desk!!

My Blog: Renovated.

Thanks to my awesome sister, and her graphic design talents, I have a great new header!

Sometimes you just need a change. I needed a change!

We tried to get owl(bec and I's inside joke) poop to drip down the sign, I thought that would be more accurate to the 'joys' in my journey, but nevertheless, an optimistic outlook never hurt anyone!

Over the next few days I'm hoping to change things up a bit, freshen up, and make your visit more pleasant!

Cheers!

Before there was THIS TALK my blog was about 'finding' the joy. Some days I have to look hard, other days not at all. But thought I would share a better version of the idea with you.

Easter Pictures

Say what? It's not Easter yet, Lucy, you crazy woman! Colson won't be with us for Easter, and I had ordered the cutest little dresses and tie, so I wanted to take a picture! But you know me, and photos of the kids... usually total mayhem.

The kids didn't disappoint. Still mayhem. However, cute mayhem.






And then we lost Laila:

From Wolf to Bear

Somehow Colson was able to finish all of his wolf requirements along with 5 arrows in time for his birthday... I still feel like I'm speaking a foreign language with all this scouts stuff. But he loves it! We have such a great program in this area, and one of the reasons we bought a house in this ward! We really liked some locations in the other ward, but after seeing the youth in this ward, we knew this was where we wanted our kids to be!

Great Job Colson!

P.S. I'm getting so OLD!! Colson was measured at the doctor this week. 4' 7". He's about as big as his Aunt Suzanne. And less than a foot from being taller than his mother. Seriously, I'm freaking out...

Guess who finally found the cord for the camera?

You'll never guess where I found it... in the camera box. So weird.

I will start the update with Colson and Hallie's birthday party at the local gym/playground. I paid for convenience in a BIG way. SO nice, plus the kids had a great time. Every single parent left. I seriously thought someone would stay!! Nope. I had 15 kids total... that's a lot to keep track of! Anyway, they had fun, cake, and pizza. We brought the presents home for them to open here, and Josh was bummed all morning. I think he's a little tired of missing everything. And to be honest, I'm a little tired of doing it all!

I'm thinking Spring.

Finally, a warm day, the kids and I went for a hike, we felt great, and enjoyed the warmth... Hope it's getting to be spring where you are!

Why I love running: Trail Run Edition

Remember why I love running?

Well here's why running a trail makes me feel good.

1. It's never the same run twice. Ever. Nature has its way of changing things up on you... weather, ground, temperature, seasons, always different. I've been running on a treadmill, where everything is ALWAYS the same, it was a great run.

2. Electronics are optional. I can listen to music if I want, but don't have to. I don't even need electricity to run... Today was an electronic free run.

3. Running a trail is a different kind of challenge: crossing streams, (seriously with a cord strung above to hang on to as I climbed across the rocks), climbing fallen trees (thanks to the recent snow there were quite a few of these), dodging rocks and roots, hills, valleys, meadows, all on the run today. It was a hard run, it had been a week, but felt awesome. I have the worst ankles, so I'm always nervous I will bite the dust, its a matter of when not if... but today it was a clean smooth run.

4. Alone with my thoughts, I didn't see a single person on my run today. At the gym, I'm surrounded by people. But today, I was alone. I thought about so many things, cleared my head, and found joy in being alone today.

5. Scars from trail running are cool. I have a great one on my knee for my tumble down Pike's Peak. Today, I scored a few lacerations across my leg, thanks to some wayward thorny vines. Through my pants!! Nicely done. Blood is much more common on the trails.

6. Trail running requires different shoes. I love shoes. ;)

So there you have it. If you listened to me last time and picked up your dusty running shoes, now is your chance to change it up, hit a trail... don't hike it. Run it.

Happy Trails!

Pucker Up.

Dear Mr. Drew.

I know you mean well. I know you are trying to help. But I'm sore only hours after meeting with you. With a huge smile on your face you say things like, "and if that's too easy, let's try this...".

Tomorrow is my kids birthday party. I'm going to have 15 kids running around me, and I'm not going to be able to move. Thanks so much. I owe you one.

I suppose it's for the best.

Thanks,

Your sore, pansy client.

What brings me Joy today.

1. Bath Bombs.

2. Colson's incessant passion for legos, knights, and life. What a kid! He so deserves a better mom.

3. Hallie's Homework, a worksheet for the 100th day of school that required her to fill in the blank:

I wish I had 100 _______________ (magic wands).
I never would want 100 _________________ (brothers).

4. Laila signing friend.

5. Charlotte signing come here.

6. Running, I miss it already.

7. Scriptures.

8. Instant Messaging on my phone, it makes talking to Josh so much easier.

Josh Does Love Me.

I had totally forgotten about Lush. We fell in love with their homemade, naturally, super fizzy bath bombs, and other fun stuff, a couple years ago. They are kind of pricey.

But for the V-day. You know where you celebrate L.O.V.E.? He sent me such a fun kit from a place I Love, but had forgotten about. Thanks Bunches. (I won't mention that it arrived over a week after the holiday)

I can't help but share, It would make "Lucy's Favorite Things" list every year.

I made a new friend.

I L.O.V.E. making new friends.

I think because I lack a mothering mother, Heavenly Father has blessed me with some amazing friends. Friends that I've prayed, cried, laughed, cursed with, you know who you are, pray tell, have I been a good friend to you?!?

For some reason, probably lots of them, I haven't been entirely myself here in C-ville. So I took some good counsel and have started reaching out. Sigh. Tough when I'm a single mom to four kids. I mean who would want to have me over???

So for two weeks running, I've had some families over for dinner. What fun! Both evenings were a great success. But one, in particular, seemed almost an answer to a prayer. I think she needed me and I needed her. Today, I saw that she had made it to the gym, and on the sign in sheet, made a HUGE deal about her making it. It's dang hard as a mom to make it! When I left, there was a cute little note that said "You Rock" next to where I signed in my kids. I've been having a hard time, feeling a little alone, and so that little note, made my day.

Maybe this advice would help you: Reach out.

You could bless others, and they could bless you.

Sunday Mornings.

An extra pair of hands would be so nice.

4 kids dressed.

4 kids fed (twice)

1 mom dressed and fed.

2 girls hair done.

10 shoes to find and put on.

Scriptures, talks, lessons, diapers, snacks collected.

1 husband to chat with on the phone.

Yeah, well good thing church starts after Noon.

Adios, I got more to do.

TWO Hot Dates in one weekend.

Last night our church had a live band perform, it was SO FUN!! The kids had a great time playing and dancing. Colson would NOT dance with me, he was still a cute date. It felt good to be moving, not to mention have something to do on a Friday night. And Charlie was the best dancing partner.

The 2nd Hot Date -

My Treadmill. Me and that guy have become VERY close. Today its 7 miles. Wish me luck. He better be good to me. I'm going to finally take the time to make a running playlist, that should help.

ALSO, I have committed to run the Marine Corps Marathon. (Thanks, Jared) Really.

I have a 10-miler on April 3rd, and a Half (a hilly one, eeks!) on May 1st. Wowsers. What have I gotten myself into??

Anyway, I better get going. Big Plans for the Saturday.

Come Home.

I found myself a new favorite song. Come Home by OneRepublic.

Josh and I have been going through a rough time. Mostly induced by my selfishness, and it has been a hard few months. I am grateful for this struggle and what I've experienced and learned along the way. I regret the hurt and turmoil I've put my family through, but I wouldn't change anything.

I needed to learn these lessons. I needed to learn that I need to put my family above what I want. I needed to learn that marriage is about commitment, and I made some serious covenants. I needed to learn that life without Josh isn't all that pleasant.

I needed to learn some new ways to love.

Perhaps, I'm sharing too much. Josh, forgive me! But if you know me, I hate the idea of putting on a happy face and pretending life is good. I'm a real person with real problems. I'm so not perfect. I've made some mistakes, but don't you think this life is about what we're made of? What kind of person am I? Well, I'm working on being a better one.

The song I mentioned earlier is for Josh. I've missed you, Come Home.

Happy Happy Birthday Lindsay Dear...

Seriously, one of the greatest women I know. She is classy, sweet, pleasant, patient, tenderhearted, spiritual, forgiving, thoughtful, organized, and downright the best friend a girl could ask for.

Lindsay and I have known each other for years, and we became friends when we were made visiting teaching companions six years ago. We've been there for each other on some of our most dark and difficult days, but also some of the most joyous.

I SO WISH I was with you to celebrate today with you! Steve better take care of you!

Have a Happy Birthday!

Love you like a sister!

Lucy

6 years in the making.

For six years, on the same weekend, there's a group of women that get together and all have one thing in common: a duty station.

We spent the weekend chatting, eating, dancing, (I even managed to get a trail run in), watching football (Go COLTS), crafting, playing games, beautifying, and just catching up on our lives from the past year.

Did I mention we got hit on at the 'local' (and I mean local) bar??? But who couldn't resist a gorgeous group of 10 women?

The women came from Washington, Utah, Georgia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Virginia, even HUNGARY... it is a weekend that can't be missed.

This is the first year that we took the time to start the documentation of previous years, where we have been, who was there, and the stuff that happened each year. One day someone will take these notes and turn it into a fictional novel that will make us rich and famous. One day.

I couldn't stop smiling. What a weekend. Grateful for good friends, and definitely missed some of you regulars! Until Next Year!

Kitchen Dreaming

My kitchen is awful. I mean awful.

I hate the counters, cabinets, oven, floors, everything!

I miss my old (but small) kitchen, nice new fresh... So, to keep myself busy, I've taken it upon myself to start researching my kitchen dreams.

If you could do something different in your kitchen what would it be? I want those fun ideas... Please share!

School in Session???

I'm getting awfully excited... I think just maybe the kids will be in school for the first time in 3 weeks. I just might actually get something done... I just might enjoy a peaceful quiet afternoon... please, please, please...

Why running makes me feel good.

I have spent the last few months working on my physical body. I've lost a total of 29 pounds, no I'm not skinny... but I've gone from my heaviest NOT pregnant weight, to pre-baby weight. I've been doing that special weight loss diet that is sold in so many different ways... Do you want the secret? I will tell you FOR FREE. Eat Right and Exercise. I know most of my weight loss has come from the choice to eat less junk, and control my portions. However, I will admit to regularly attending the gym, which I know has helped. But part of this whole process, I have really learned to love running. I wanted to take a minute to document why.

1. Over time, my muscles have definition. I look stronger, and I feel stronger.

2. When I begin the run my breathing is heavy and hard, and my body is clunky (is that a word?), as the run continues I find a rhythm. My body moves freely, and my breathing becomes slow and steady. I love this place.

3. Sometimes I'm tempted to eat a cupcake. But I remember that it takes me a good and hard 30 minutes to burn 330 calories. It's worth it sometimes. But not always.

4. It gives me the opportunity to set goals and achieve them. Running farther than I have ever run, Running faster, I can come up with all kinds of ways to challenge myself, and give myself some opportunities for success. Go Charlottesville 10 Miler!!

5. Running is an escape. I can put in my ear phones, play my favorite music, and pretend I'm somewhere else. Literally leaving behind whatever I want to.

6. Running is for all ages, I love that I consistently run next to old people. I pray I'm old and still running. Sometimes I see young kids running around the track. There is very little skill in putting one foot in front of the other, we can all do it!

7. Afterwards, my skin looks amazing.

8. The physical exertion of working hard and sweating profusely feels amazing. It makes me want to do it again and again and again.

I had a great run today. I wanted to remember why.

You know, if you haven't done it for awhile, pick up your dusty running shoes, and hit the road. You might find yourself a new friend, or a long lost one.

Happy Birthday to Charlie!

You might remember this post. I can't believe it has been a year since we've been here. What a crazy journey we've been on. I just didn't want this day to go by without a post on my sweet charlie girl.

She is a scooter!! I know it. Here we go again, darn it! At least she makes more noise than Laila did, so I don't think we have the same problems ahead of us.

She reaches out her hands to say "come get me", it's so cute!!

She has 7 teeth.

She LOVED the cupcake today.

She is regularly injured by her 2 year old sister. Poor thing!

She laughs a lot, and for the most part is a happy baby.

She is the worst sleeper, because I won't let her cry! She's my baby... and I'm clinging to that. It's still a little sad for me.

Her birthday was a little lame. Just us. We did cupcakes, and the kids sang. I took video on my ipod, downloaded it to the computer and can't find it. Figures.

Happy Birthday, my baby girl!

Josh is leaving and so is my blog for now...

Does life ever get to you? Well it has me. Some things have got to go. The blog for now is one of them. I used to LOVE writing, and scrapbooking, I am just not feeling it anymore. I've shifted focus to my kids and running. Adios, for now.

Miss Me?

Blogging has not found its way to the top of my priority list these days.

I have time for a quick update this morning before I take my "teenage" daughter to the mall for some one on one time.

About a week ago Josh came home! He is here for a 2 week 'vacation' to get my head above water, and then leave again. We kept it a secret because his parents were coming in town to watch the kids for a special weekend getaway for me. They were so surprsed to pull up and see Josh and the kids. I just know they had a great time without the pesky daughter in law lingering!

I, too, had a weekend filled with adventure. It was a much needed respite. Thanks to some great friends I was able to come back with new focus and perspective.

Life is not easy, but we are meant to have Joy. Just reminding you to Find Joy in your journey today!

Happy Hopeful New Year to you!

Breathe a Sigh of Relief

The results came in this morning, Laila's MRI came back normal.

Thanks a million times over for the prayers, fasting, and positive thoughts sent our way. We continue to hope that we can figure out the best way to help her.

On a side note, I got to ride in my first ambulance ride with Charlie yesterday. She fell off the couch at the dentist office onto a cast iron coffee table, and had a massive bump, and was bleeding out of her eye. The dentist said do you want me to call 911, and of course I was a total mess, and said "Do I need an ambulance?" We called the pediatrician, they said to get to the hospital, and so we did. Everything checked out, she's ok, looks a little battered, but is OK.

So... please don't ask what else could happen to me. I don't want to know.

I'm off to do my daily dose of exercise. Thanks again! Our family owes you.

Please Hold on the Phone Calls.

I've received so many phone calls and well wishes, and thoughts that I just can't keep up with everybody! Don't take it personal that I haven't returned a call. Remember I'm still managing a home with 4 kids! Life is busy.

Sometime this week we will have the results of the MRI. I promise to post the news as quickly as I can. Hopefully its good news.

But, I'm a bit overwhelmed, and need some time to just breathe.

I will keep you updated when I can. We originally thought we would get results today, but that has been delayed to the middle of the week. Again, I will let you know when I can.

Thanks again for the fasting, I appreciated it, and felt the strength.

Love you all!
Lucy

White Christmas, on its way!

If we are to get a big bad snowfall, it's only appropriate to have it the week before Christmas... I'm so excited. I'm heading out to pick up some snow pants for Hallie, Gloves for Laila and Hallie, a sled, and why not, a new pair of boots for me!!

We appreciate so much the well wishes with Laila, and for those who are supporting us this weekend, I already feel the boost.

Laila

Before the septic problems, like 2 days before, I knew I needed to make a decision about Laila. She has had so many random symptoms, and although the neurologist said we could do an MRI, I decided to wait it out, as Josh would be leaving. Needless to say, with the vomiting symptom, and a few other things, I realized I needed to proceed in the direction of a Brain MRI.

I wanted to wait to tell Josh, so that he wouldn't worry from 7,000 miles away, but the burden of everything came crashing down when I received the paperwork for the MRI in the mail yesterday. It's no small thing, and I need the support. I've been trying to do so much alone, that this is something I just couldn't do alone. I talked to Josh this morning, and of course he was as calm as can be, yet, trying to figure out if he should try and come home for the test. Our little Laila just can't exist without her buddy. We're not sure what's going to happen, if Josh can make it back. But we know they are looking for a Brain Tumor, which sounds bad, but, does happen in kids, and the prognosis is usually good. A surgery and some therapies. We are kind of torn because we want to help her in every possible way, and it is breaking my heart to watch her try to speak, and have all these weird symptoms that it might be nice to have a way to "fix" it. And yet, we are talking about a tumor.

So, friends and family, we are having a special fast on Sunday. We are not looking for a fast that it is not a tumor, although that would be great! We need your strength and support right now. So if you wouldn't mind fasting that our family can have the strength we need, and that no matter what Laila will be in the best care.

Laila will be going in on Wed. Dec. 23 at noon. It requires a Pediatric Sedation Team, and will last approximately 45 minutes. We will probably not have results until the Monday after Christmas, which happens to be Josh and I's 10 year wedding anniversary. We will keep you posted as best we can! Who knows, maybe Josh will be home for Christmas after all! Remember, I'm finding Joy this week.

Thanks everyone, and eventually I'll post some pictures again, I promise...

Have you ever had one of those weeks?

Sigh. Long week. Long Day.

I'm looking forward to Monday. It's going to be a new week. And I'm on the hunt for some Joy in my Journey.

Hopefully it won't be as hard to find as this past week.

Thanks to all those that helped in the smallest to largest of ways.

SH!T HAPPENS.

And it happened to me. I awoke from my slumber after a long night of rain, to find that my bedroom smelled a little off.

Raw Sewage was spewing from my washing machine's drain pipe.

A cleaning Crew came.

A 500 deductible paid.

Brand Freaking New carpet cut out.

Remember those Christmas presents next to the Washing Machine? Yeah, no longer.

A Septic Truck came and sucked out 2500 gallons of water (my tank holds 1000) and it's full again.

A back hoe is parked out front.

A 1500 dollar bill to be paid.

Determines that I might need a new Drainage Field. Could be 8,000 to 25,000 dollars. You read that right.

Merry Christmas to my family.

We got Sh!t for Christmas.

I'm not bitter, really I'm not.

Wanted: Hiding Places.

I know there are those who don't like to "lie" to their children. So they don't tell them about Santa, or his reindeer.

But I relish in it. I lie to them all the time when I tell them I'm the greatest mom in the world, and that they're lucky to have me. Or when I say I LOVE going to church, it's so much fun! And I absolutely believe in allowing my children to believe.

However, I'm discovering that as my kids get smarter, Santa has to, too. No longer is the closet a safe place, thank GOODNESS the UPS man came during the school week, that could have been catastrophic. I am certainly hoping Colson doesn't happen on to my blog by accident. He would be devastated. He's been trying to be good for all of one hour.

Anyway, I'm running out of places to stuff presents, and room in my brain to remember them. So far (next to the washing machine, next to the water heater, in the nazi closet (explanation for another day), up in my closet, under a seat in the car. This list is just to help me remember when it's late at night Christmas Eve and I'm wrapping presents alone... and Can NOT find that other thing!!

Merry Christmas to all!

Record Keeping

Laila is on a 30ish day cycle of vomiting. Every 30 days in the morning she throws up. It's been going on for about a year, but I've only started documenting it the last couple of months. Lucky you. She threw up this morning, and I'm keeping track. For my doctors who don't seem worried. I'm not crazy. She seriously does it once every month.

I feel the love!

Thanks everybody for your sweet thoughts and wishes... I should post more often like that. It's great to hear how you all are thinking of us!

I'm feeling much better (today, at least).

I have started to think about all the blessings I've been given. Seriously, ME. Of all the good people in the world, I get MY kids. Yeah they are work, and they outnumber me, and half of them, I'm required to change regularly, and they dirty clothes a lot. BUT, they love me. They think I'm the best cook in the world. They think I'm the greatest mom because I let them get their art stuff out. If only I could love others so easily.

My newest goal for the month is to see others as my kids would see them. Excited for their small successes (i.e. mini meatloaves) and cheer for them in a small way.

Why not? It's a great season to love.

S.O.S.

All I want for Christmas is a Full-Time Nanny!!

Never has a deployment been so difficult. I'm not sure why. I've tried to think about it, I mean I've added another kid this time around. But surely, that's not it. After all, what's one more?!?

Things that don't get done when your husband is gone:

Laundry
Groceries - you should see what kind of concoctions I come up with!
Automobile Repairs - I'm due for an oil change, and I have a broken door, how am I supposed to be without a van for 2 days, with 4 kids????
Lawn care - I mow when I can, but I can NOT start the stupid weed wacker/trimmer thing! There are some places with some seriously long grass. Pine Needles EVERYWHERE: I can't start the blower either.

But generally, stuff gets done it just takes me ten times as long, so I've created a black hole of housework that I will never climb out of.

Finally, taking care of kids. Each one is demanding attention, that I just don't have. It feels like I'm consistently letting down someone.

Anyway, I need to get going, I have to shop for the kids online, and I may just spend the extra to have the gifts come wrapped!!

Hope you're enjoying the Holiday Season as much as I.

Happy Thanksgiving (a little early I know)

Tomorrow will be busy as I'm cooking, and taking care of the kiddos. I really want to just enjoy the day with them. I'm plotting a little football in the backyard. When you have as many kids as I do, it's really not that hard! :)

Anyway, what's Thanksgiving without a little gratitude?

I'm grateful for these unexpected little things: Automatic Garage Door, New Towels, Pomegranites, Brown Eyes (Hallie can be so ornery, but I love looking at her deep brown eyes), Sign Language, Murphy's oil soap, the Ensign, Fresh Flowers, Filtered fridge water, Josh's Clothes (it's how I've kept him close), Kaboom Toilet Bowl Cleaner, Christmas CD's, online Christmas Shopping, slick writer pens, fresh clean sheets, shop vac, old friend phone calls, garden pruners, tissues, and The Colts, to name a few.

I'm also most grateful for my testimony and my family. Both of which make this challenging time seem not so challenging.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!

In the Spirit of Thanksgiving

Updated Link

Here's the link for the toys, I mentioned in the previous post!


It was a TODAY special Value - and they ended at midnight - which is why some of you landed on some cashmere sweater!

Still worth the cost! We're talking hours of enjoyment, HOURS!

Remember my recent Christmas Post?

Well, last year my in laws got the perfect toy for Christmas - literally every age has a blast with them - and I just noticed - QVC is offering them as the Today Special Value.

I'm a QVC junkie I admit it. BUT - if you're looking for the unexpected PERFECT gift - these toys are it! My kids (boy and girl, 3 different ages) and their friends of ALL ages have LOVED these!

Plus you can chalk it up as a learning toy!!

HAVE FUN!

Again I attempted the impossible.

The Seasonal Christmas Card Photo.

Why? Do you really want to see my children this time of year? Who do I do this for? Is it for me? For three of the past Christmas' I leave me out because Josh is out, so it would be weird to have just me and the kids. Last year I paid. An arm AND a leg, AND another arm and leg, to get semi-decent pictures. Still, why?

Now I've created this unfortunate tradition for me. I dressed up the kids in their SO CUTE matching outfits, got creative again and drove the tractor with the trailer out to the front yard. Set up my pose - Colson driving the three girls. I took at least 100 photographs. Seriously. Do you think I would get ONE amazing shot? Nope. So after all the work of getting them in their outfits, I have one final hope for my picture.

Becca, My Sister, A graphic designer, PLEASE HELP ME. I made her promise that since it was MY IDEA for her to go back to school I can get her assistance for free. But if YOU want some help editing your family's Christmas Portrait (I'm assuming I'm not the only one with unfortunate luck) I bet she could help you, too. (for a fair fee) I'm thinking she could photoshop my kids faces on some other fabulously taken photograph???

Laila has gotten into the Chocolate Chips and the Ginger snaps for breakfast, my house is a mess, and I'm blogging. Where are my priorities? I better get going she's signing for water. Wishing you and yours a blissful holiday season.

Please Remember the Veterans TODAY and ALWAYS. So many soldiers are alone for the holidays, what can you do? You can DONATE a "care package" here.

Trouble with a capital L.

My sweet innocent little Laila, has turned on me.

Today after nap she got up and instead of coming to see me with her thumb in her mouth, I could hear the pitter patter of her feet, and the dragging of a chair being scooted across the kitchen floor.

I quietly snuck up the stairs, because I LOVE to see mischief from the sidelines. (just not the aftermath)And from the corner of the kitchen I watched as she climbed up onto the counter, and then up to her feet, as she was sneaking gum. GUM - Her newest sign - THANK YOU NANNY JESS. I got her down and let her enjoy her piece of gum.

Fast Forward hours later, NOT paying attention. I find her back on the counter only this time, with 9 pieces of gum unwrapped, chewed, spit out, and a wad in her mouth.

What a girl.

Why MORE LAWS don't solve the problems of the world.

I've begun hearing about all the things that "could have, should have" been done to prevent the tragedy at Fort Hood. I can hear the people against carrying firearms now... if only we didn't have guns... More laws are not going to solve the problems, or even prevent the problems.

There's this thing called agency. People are free to choose good or evil. People can and will make poor decisions, and people can and will make good ones. It's called choice. But remember the shoe bomber??? And now everyone has to take off their shoes to fly?? We can't keep making laws and rules for these things. It would be impossible to prevent all tragedy. It just can't happen. Let's focus on what we can change, and that is our Moral Discipline. Choosing right, every time.

It's Moral Discipline and you can READ ALL ABOUT IT here.

Working out (and hard), Feeling Good

With all that has been going on here - total craziness - with four kids - I'm actually feeling good.

It's been almost 30 days of regular exercise - ok so maybe closer to 3 weeks, but I already feel a ton better, AND stronger. It's almost like my body is remembering the good ol' days before kids!

I started thinking about my Holiday Game Plan - (my eating game plan)- and thought that is just it! Have a plan! The treats that enter my door - half immediately to the trash. The other half we enjoy. The treats I make - 3/4 out the door! And finally plan some good choices and snacks to eat, so that there are healthy options for me to choose.

It's so much harder to lose than to gain - and this holiday season - I want to give a gift to me - and that's good health!

Any other thoughts on Christmas Giving?

I've received word, I'm no longer on someone's Christmas list. A tough financial year is the reason, and children and adults that are childless, remain on the list.

Recently, I've also had conversations where parents have tried really hard to keep the financial gift to be EXACTLY the same for each child. Josh and I had started this, and then I realized Fifty bucks bought a lot more for Laila, than for Colson, so that didn't work well either.

For a few years I've had this Christmas Plan for my kids: One Learning Toy, One Fun Toy, and One book. That's it. That's been my kids' Christmas. It's never big, if they get more than that it comes from elsewhere. I never wanted them to expect a massive Christmas, nor have I tried to spend the same amount. I wanted it small and meaningful.

We also haven't done a lot for extended family, we would sometimes do a Christmas CD, or Movie, or scrapbook, or nothing, Depended on the year. We always do a secret something for someone else. This is usually a generous gift to some unknowing person, (generous in the past hasn't been much, because we didn't have much). We've bought an extra toy and left it, a gift card, a box of food, or whatever.

I feel Christmas, is the time for giving. Especially Selfless giving. Where you think of those you love, and those in need, and you give them whatever you want to give however big or small. Or maybe even your time, if that's all you've got. I don't feel like you should have to give excuses or explanations, whether true or not, for your giving.

Just Give or Don't. That's my Christmas Theory.

I love these thoughts on Christmas.

Anyway, wishing you and yours a Merry Holiday Season.

The Perfect Job.

3.5 years, 40,000 bucks, blood, sweat, tears, and snotty little kids, and I am the proud owner of a diploma. A B.S. (quite literally) in education. This December marks 10 years since I accomplished the task. (one week before I got hitched, love you, JOsh, BTW, remember I want the ring on the cruise)

I've never actually had my own classroom. I knew I was going to be a teacher. No doubt. But I have so little desire to deal with the bureaucracy of the government controlled classroom, that, I've wondered, what else would I L.O.V.E. to do?

Anyone else with a dilemma like this? I don't regret my education, I enjoyed learning, and if I could get in a classroom, and teach my way, I think I would like it. But seriously, NO CLUE, I guess I don't have to worry about it right now, I just feel a little lost...

So in the meantime? I've picked up a sledge hammer at the Lowe's and have begun the demo on my master bath. I have NO CLUE what I'm doing. But I'm free labor, and seriously you can learn anything on You Tube (including how to be a teacher).

Dumb Computer.

My computer isn't working, it's irritating.

I'm totally blogging from the gym.

I burned 400 calories, and that should cover the 1/2 cup of chocolate peanuts I ate last night. So wierd, I'm not losing weight...

Anyway, Hope all of you are doing great, and enjoying life.

Life is so worth enjoying.

Save the Girls.

I couldn't do a lot financially - I did a little - but you can help too.

My friend is OH SO CLOSE to her goal - Please Help!

October is the month.

Save the Girls. You know you want to.

The Link is the Title.

If you drive a white van could you please come to the fitting room?

This was the page I was hearing over and over at Target this morning. YES. I drive a white mini van, no, I don't have a clue what my license plate is. I guess after the 2nd or 3rd time I thought I would check it out.

Well, ma'am, did you park over there? (pointing).

Yes.

Someone hit your car and drove off. We didn't get a tag number.

How bad is it?

Come with me.

I get out my phone and call police, as my heart is racing, I can NOT believe this is happening. (Did I mention that Josh's car was hit a couple of weeks ago in the parking lot)

I'm talking to the operator, when I walk up to my car, and look all around it, "I don't think it was me, I don't see it."

Here comes the Target employee, and she said No, it's over here, we go look at the back end of this van. It has a smashed in back door - a LOT of damage.

I was way too thankful that it wasn't me. Is that bad?? I'm so sorry to the owner of the Chrysler Town and Country white van, It stinks. I know how you feel (Josh's car).

And to you BIG LOSERS out there who hit cars and then take off. Comeuppance is my favorite word. Just for you.

Obama vs. Fox News

Obama's decision making skills are worse than I thought. Alienating an entire news network and their viewers is a BIG mistake. Just because there are millions of Americans that don't agree with his health care plan, nor his spending, (or a host of issues)`doesn't make the opposite view irrelevant. He has ALL other news organizations in his pocket, he's a big baby, tattling on Fox News, because they're talking about both sides of the issues. He should be entirely embarrassed; grow a pair, and if you're right, then why are you so worried about what they say? Perhaps you could even answer the tough questions, that many Americans are asking, like where's the money coming from? If you believe in what you're doing, than you should stick it to em.

Perhaps he could take a lesson from Bush. He never shut down the critics voices, he believed in what he was doing, whether you agreed with him or not, he had conviction.

There are those that would believe that no matter what He did, he would be screwing it up. (Hannity, Beck) But most Americans want to give him a fair shot. B.O. is continuously making foolish unpresidential decisions. Which, will cost him a second term.

Hallie's Trip to the Library

This is what she came home with. I mean what do I say to that?

Wish me Happy Reading!

Things you never thought you'd hear your husband say.

"Have you seen my gas mask inserts?"

Anyone else?

SOLD.

We just took Josh's car to Carmax, and we sold it. So dang simple. I just know we could have squeezed a couple hundred out of some other person - but totally NOT worth the hassle.

It's getting pretty serious over here. How am I going to do this all over again?

Tidbits.

Laila's Neurology appt. went great. Low muscle town in the upper part of the body (including mouth) making it physically difficult to speak. But nothing else really. He doesn't know if or when she'll talk. So brush up on your signs, it will become Laila's first language! :)



Colson and Hallie - coming off the bus on the first day of school. They're so cute running to see me.






One of the things I'll miss while Josh is gone for six months.





The Brick Oven in my Kitchen - Any Ideas?

October is here, and my Colts are Rocking.

Enjoying the Fall Season.

We start with General Conference.

I hosted a fun Fall get together that included bobbing for apples, hayride, bonfire, and great friends.

I've also purchased the items and ingredients necessary to make apple butter, and apple sauce, to CAN for the very first time!!

The weather is great, and life is good.

Wishing you a happy fall.

Did I mention the colts are doing awesome?

I did it. And I'm going to do it again.

A looooooooong time ago, I lived in a ward, with a great Bishop. (Now he's Uncle Mike) And he would set goals for the ward every year, just 2 or 3 measurable goals. One year we were to give out TWO Book of Mormons. That summer I flew to San Diego for a friend's wedding. On the trip home, I met a Med Student from MA, and we talked about the church, I got his address, and sent him a Book Of Mormon. I never did hand out the 2nd B. o. M. that year.

Today, I was loading the kids up in the car, and there was a guy sitting in a drivers' seat of a car parked next to me, and he was reading. The thought came to me, to give him a Book of Mormon. NO WAY. HE WOULD SO THINK I WAS A WIERDO.

I had one in my drivers' side door, I read it while waiting for kids, etc. But it's one I've hung on to since a friend of ours in Bloomington passed away. At her funeral they handed out a Book of Mormon, with one of her last entries in her journal taped to the front. One of the most powerful testimonies I've ever heard. I didn't want to give it away!! But what was I doing with it? Why not give the opportunity of the truth to someone else? So I did it. I got back out of the van. I said some horrible thing like: "Do you want to read something that will change your life? Something told me to give this book to you, it has a note in the front from a friend a long time ago, but I hope you like it." And then I left. No contact information, not even the name of the church building or anything - just the testimony faded in the front, and a water damaged, wrinkled Book of Mormon, that was 8 years old.

But what the world needs now?? More Truth, and Less Hate. So if you want a FRESH CLEAN FREE Book of Mormon, you can get one here.

By the way, it CAN change your life. Yes Yours. Pick it up, read it again, or get yourself one.

I hate to say I told you so... BUT.

I'm having trouble finding the people that can turn a positive spin on this Obama Presidency.

I used to think B.O. was doing o.k. in Afghanistan, but now he's showing weakness. My friend Emily and I were chatting and she made such a good point. She said either put the troops where they're needed, or get them out of there. I mean taking no stance is worse than either of the other two choices here.

At least Bush knew what he wanted. I mean he was accused of being a bully, but seriously at least you knew where he stood.

Obama is a wreckless disaster. Health Care Reform = a total mess, Guantanamo = Total Mess, Foreign Policy=total mess, Czars - huh????, Spending = need I say more. (I didn't even mention Acorn)

I remember watching him walk out to take the oath (botched) and he seriously looked like he didn't have a clue. And now, we see, he didn't. Everyone criticized Sarah Palin, as if "on the job" training would be the worst case scenario. Well now we're seeing what it looks like. And it's a lot scarier when it's the President.

And I'm just going to go here, because I've heard that those who oppose B.O.'s policies are doing so because of race. Well, I believe that there are those who use that card, that if Obama were able to solve all the world's problems there would be those who would still not like him because of his Race. It's unfortunate, ignorant, and unbecoming of a true Patriot. However, I submit, that there are those, who do not like Me, because of the color of my skin (well probably for a lot of reasons). This Racism thing goes both ways. Because I don't agree with anything Obama is doing doesn't make me a racist, it makes me an avid conservative. So to those accusatory fingers pointed at me, start picking your nose, you've got it all wrong, just like your president.

Baby Poop Wall Update. What do you think?

Top Ten Reasons to Vacation WITHOUT kids.

10. Beach? NO, I want to swim in the lazy river!

9. YUM, I'll order Mac N Cheese for lunch, seafood, forget it.

8. Sand and diapers don't mix.

7. 4 kids, 2 adults, 1 hotel room = Less sleep than when at home.

6. Just when you're ready to walk out the door, what's that smell?

5. Trouble navigating hallways with your luggage cart filled to the top with kid gear, that bump was a kid!

4. I know! We'll rent those fancy bikes that we can all fit on. Oh wait, we have four kids and not ONE of them can reach the pedals to help, oops.

3. That's weird how sand is sticking to only one side of the 'anonymous' child's leg. It's almost as if they peed their pants right here on the beach.

2. Are we there yet? (a 3 hour trip)

And the number 1 reason to vacation without kids... While buckling child into backpack, a seagull pooped on my head.

Fooled ya!! We had a great time anyway!

I chose the temple.

Thought I would let you know. :)

Eight Years ago today.

I was in a small 2 bedroom apt. that cost 410 a month. I had a boy, 7 months old, one car, and my husband was on campus studying East Asian Studies. We had no t.v., and very few posessions, we were close to celebrating 2 years of marriage.

I remember being in the second bedroom, Playing with Colson, I was holding him, and the phone rang. My frantic older sister was calling she knew I didn't have a T.V. She told me that planes were crashing into buildings, and told me what she knew, and at that point, no one knew much. I asked her if she was sure, and I remember asking her if she was sure it wasn't a movie that she was watching. I know, duh. It just was impossible for me to comprehend.

I ran downstairs with Colson to my 90 yr old neighbors house, and together one life about to end, and another just begun, and watched everything unfold.

I eventually left, called a neighbor that had an extra T.V. and borrowed it. I was glued to it for weeks.

Little did I know my husband would take an active and important role in fighting for our nation's liberty. We hadn't even comprehended the military as a career choice at that point. And yet for two of the anniversary's since 9/11 Josh has spent time in some "interesting" places.

Today, eight years later, I think about this country what we've been through, how we came together shortly after, and there was a united front in the war on terror. And watching as President Bush NEVER BACKED DOWN. Perhaps he was determined to a fault, who's to say?

I haven't forgot. I won't forget, and I hope you won't either. There is EVIL in the world. LOTS of it. And to the men and women serving this nation, in the armed forces, and political offices that have sworn to protect this nation against ALL enemies FORIEGN and DOMESTIC, do your duty with honor, don't back down, and remember this day.

"You Lie" Right Words. Wrong Place.

I can't blame Joe (Joe Wilson, Congressman for S.C.), I was shouting at the T.V. right along with him.

It's unfortunate because it was the wrong place for an outburst, but Frustration has taken over the G.O.P., he had it right, but in the wrong place. You should still respect the "office" even if you don't respect the man.

Nevertheless, I'd like to predict here and now. B.O. has sealed his fate. The American People are too smart for his rhetoric, and his presidency is finished.

Obama and School Kids

No Biggie. Seriously I've got no issues with him telling kids to stay in school, they should.

SO MANY people don't trust him. That's why there were issues. He's shady, and the people he surrounds himself with are shady. That's why there was an uproar. It's not that he can't speak to school kids, it's that many Americans think he's "using" any opportunity to promote the Obama brand. The administration handled it well by handing out the speech the day before. But what they really need to do is figure out WHY people don't trust him, or his legacy along with his presidency will be brief.

Choices: Here or There.

On Sept. 12 - or 9-12. My Relief Society has planned a temple trip for the entire group. We'll be here:


And then I also want to go support the 9-12 project here:



I'll let you know what happens!

Writing.

In high school and college, I hated the drudgery of writing papers. It was a constant thing, and annoyed the begeebees(sp?, word?) out of me! However, I did take one class about words: Word Power. I loved it!! I was fascinated at the number of words in the English language - one of my favorites: Comeuppance. What a great word. I also happen to LOVE O'Reilly, I love his show (he has a fun word at the end of each show), and his book, great writing.

Well, in the blogosphere I've discovered some AMAZING talent, and WRITERS, no less, a real, genuine talent. CJane. Brandi. The Meanest Mom. Conversations with a Cupcake, and now I'd like to introduce you to My Sister. She, too has an incredible talent. She wrote an essay once about Dandelions. (Vic, PLEASE share it on your blog) So mark her as a favorite and enjoy the party of words.

blogging from the palm phone

woah I'm so techy.

It happened to me.

Back to school night, Hallie's Kindergarten class, and the Pledge.

A man from another country not sure which, expressed his concern over his kid saying the pledge. The teacher handled it great, saying he wouldn't have to participate.

Why does this make my blood boil??

I mean we are in the United States of America. Perhaps a history lesson could be in order - as the country was started because of religious reasons. So YES, we are ONE NATION UNDER GOD. You have issues with taking an oath/pledge to the flag, or that God was a part of the creation of this country?? No problem, Go somewhere else. No one is FORCING people to stay here, or even be here for that matter.

I just don't want to lose what we hold sacred, the history of how we became who we are. It was not easy to gain the freedoms we have today. You don't want to say the pledge. Fine. But by all means. I'll say it, I want my kids to say it, don't take away MY RIGHTS, to believe in this country, and to believe that God, Himself, watches over this great land.

brilliant.

http://www.pjtv.com/v/2235

ABC won't air the following commercial...

What happened to hearing both sides of an issue?

Hope and Change.

Silenced No More!! I've taken a political hiatus for awhile, in hopes that I could calm myself down. And I think I found my answer. I discovered the one thing Obama could do for this country, are you ready for it?? A positive thing about B.O. coming from me??? (actually I'm not all that disappointed in his foriegn policy - except for the apologizing tour - he is doing o.k. in Afghanistan and Iraq) However, here's the big thing:

FINALLY, GRASS ROOTS AMERICANS ARE TAKING CHARGE. I love how average people are finally actively engaged in politics. I said long ago that Americans had been duped. The awesome thing is they've realized it, and are taking their country back. I'm not in favor of the angry crazies, but I'm all about vocalizing the problem with his agenda.

We got Hope and Change. We are now hoping B.O. has no idea what's after a trillion, and the change we needed; no more Apathetic Americans.



The squeeky wheel gets the grease, and there are finally some conservative wheels squeeking!

I'm in VA these days and I'm voting for the Republican Candidate Bob McDonnell, and going to be volunteering on his campaign. Have you done something political lately?

Do Your Best.

Our family's motto for the year. We stole some great ideas from Nie Nie for a back to school feast, and enjoyed a toast, made crowns for the back to school kiddos, and Colson and Hallie also received Back to school blessings.

Do your best, in all that you do.

I am greatful for Josh's contribution to this year's theme. and we hope to take it seriously.

What is my best? Not sure, but I'm going to set some goals to figure it out!

Looks Like I'm going to Holland

I guess denial might be where I've been?? I'm not sure. But I'm now officially worried about my little one.

We have been diagnosed with a "Profound Expressive Language Delay" perhaps connected with a suspected central motor problem.

We went to a developmental specialist about a week ago, and received her evaluation in the mail a few days later. There's something about seeing a "problem" in black and white that makes it real. We are being referred to a neurologist.

Laila is at or above normal intelligence, and perhaps I always just thought she was laid back and happy, which she is. But I am finally realizing there is something going on, we're just not sure what. It looks like I'm going to have to brush up on an old skill even more (sign language). It's really weird to try and teach her to communicate with us, knowing she understands exactly what we're saying.

My sister shared the following essay with me, she has a child with special needs, too.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Sick kids.

Snot Noses galore at my house. Missing church.

My fam just left after a few days here. It was so nice for them to visit. I've been host to non-stop company, and it's been a great time! More to come this week. I guess it pays to live in cool places.

They took me to the amazing city market. How Yummy. Everything was so delicious, and cozy. and friendly. I love an abundance of fresh produce.

Thanks for the fun visit!

2 acres + Beautiful = an insane amount of work.

This we know. Why we can't buy a house with landscaping is BEYOND me. Josh and I don't mind yard work, be we find ourselves regularly in over our heads... Yesterday (MY IDEA) to clean out from under the cedar trees in the front yard in preparation for a truck load of mulch. Ridiculous. We don't have a chainsaw and so we just hacked away at the lower 3 feet of branches, with a hand saw.

We literally worked from 9 - 5 on the front yard, pulling, sawing, using the mower to haul the yard junk to the MASSIVE burn pit we have in the back yard.

FHE tomorrow - Bonfire, with smores...

Did I mention we haven't touched the backyard yet??

WE NEED SERVICE - any takers?? :) Oh wait, we have company coming in the next couple of weeks! I have just the project!

Hand and Foot

A long time ago, these two women were my partners in crime. We served together, and we had a few amazing experiences which bonded us forever.

We then began splitting up, only to be reunited once again in a small town.

Finally we all went our separate ways, scattered across the United States. Staying in touch via texting, phone calls, and emails. And then, for 24 hours, we found ourselves and our families together again for one late night game of cards. It felt great to see Viviane and Sonia, and their kiddos, again!!

Sonia who keeps our acts together wanted to say a prayer before everyone left, so there in my living room 16 people knelt down and thanked Heavenly Father for the blessing of friends.

Till we meet again, girls! I'll keep safe the card bowl and sorry I had to win TWICE!!

A Happy Place.

The other evening while sitting on my back porch with my husband watching the end of a thunderstorm, we saw a rainbow. It was beautiful - it seemed to start at the very edge of our yard - Josh said surely we can find the pot of gold there. And boy is he right. We've been here a month. And I'm in Heaven. I love the yard, the home, my family, and this great healthy place I've found for me as I've recovered from the craziest year of my life. I found my happy place.

After the storm, the Lord always comes through, with the blessings. Why me? Why would he bless me? I am not as good as I could be, I certainly am not a perfect being. But I'm trying, I really am. Have you felt the Love of the Lord in your life? I feel it abundantly in mine, even this "rebellious, proud" soul of mine.